Prime time

Before you know it, the networks will be out with their Fall TV lineups. Insiders tell me to expect blockbuster ratings for these new programs:

American Idle – the heroic story of one courageous trucker’s struggle to stay warm in Northern California without an APU. Peter Bilt stars as Chatter N. Teethe.

Braking Bad – the return of the award-winning drama starring a Rodney Dangerfield look-alike as “Fake Jake,” a trucker whose brakes, tires and engine are so shot that he’s driven to trafficking in pirated Joey Holiday CDs to raise money for repairs.

Dancing with the Cars – the harrowing saga of trucker Dodge M. Barely coping with cars that hang in the blind spot, cut back in way too close after passing, or abruptly pull out from side streets allowing zero braking distance. 

(FM)CSA Miami – a knee-slapping comedy featuring two hapless federal regulators who impose new hours-of-service rules on truckers—2 hours on, 2 off, 1 on, 3 off, 4 on, 5 off, 4 on, 3 off.  

America’s Next Top Model – an exciting audience participation show that pits models like the Freightliner Cascadia against the International LoneStar. Weekly winners are decided by an applause-o-meter.

Nip Truck (Rated PG) – the steamy drama of an unemployed plastic surgeon who pays thousands to a truck driving school because they told him, “The companies are hiring.”


Ugly Betty – the endearing story of a plain-Jane truck stop waitress who keeps the refills coming with a smile and unaccountably draws a crowd of ogling truckers each time she balances a tray over to a table. Betty is played by Angelina Jolie.

These are just a few of the great shows I’ve heard will premiere this fall. LL