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Worried about the future of the DOA (Department of Acronyms)

By Sandi Soendker, Editor-in-chief

I think I have discovered a future career for those young people who are oblivious to everything but their smartphone and speak in a net lingo that’s part shorthand and part acronym.

At first, they start out with gateway acronyms like LOL and LMAO. The really sharp ones move on to notes like DBEYR (Don’t Believe Everything You Read) and FWIW (For What it’s Worth). I am certain these people are the next generation of government workers in charge of naming everything. They are the future administrators of the Department of Acronyms (DOA), tasked with coming up with an efficient acronym for all those government projects, acts, systems, etc.

And this is a good thing because the ones we have now just aren’t that clever. DOA workers are getting old, tired and disillusioned. And why not? Their image is at an all-time low. Making fun of government acronyms is an Internet sport.

And now another painful failure. It’s in the name for the Department of Transportation’s proposed highway bill. The short title is GROW AMERICA Act. Not so bad. But it’s an acronym for Generating Renewal, Opportunity, and Work with Accelerated Mobility, Efficiency, and Rebuilding of Infrastructure and Communities through America Act. What a jumble of boring, ineffectual words selected just to make the acronym work. SMH (Shaking My Head.)

Where are those responsible for acronym gr8ness like STD (Short Term Disability) or CIA’s WTF (WikiLeaks Task Force)? Long hours, low pay must be driving them from the business. So, for you texting addicts who can’t put the cell down – the DOA has a job for you. LL